No goodbyes
by Addiescrown
Summary: “No goodbyes” as Dua Lipa’s song. Addek reconciliation. Takes place on episode 2x24 ! Another one of those fanfics where there’s a McBaby on the way :)
1. 1 - Did you love her?

_New fanfic! I called this fanfic "No Goodbyes" like the song by Dua Lipa. This fanfic takes place on 2x24 episode. One episode before the whole prom thing. Addek reconciliation eventually! And it's obviously one of those cheesy Addek fanfics where Addison gets pregnant cuz they freaking deserved love, happiness, memories and kids. Lots of kids. _

_Warning: my English isn't as perfect as it could be because it's not my first language, sadly._

_Hope you'll like it :)_

* * *

She finds herself in that position again. Trapped. Is she trapped though? Well, she can't clearly answer that considering she's locked inside of a very tiny bathroom. For her, that's barely a bathroom.

Her chest feels tense, filled by panic, fear and nervousness. Her fingers hold a stick again; but now there's no Mark near or a Yankees onesie that makes her even more panicked. Second time in her whole life that she steals pregnancy tests from a hospital. Second time in her whole life that she experiences such fear. A part of herself wishes it will kind of fade away, or keeps her thoughts on denial.

_It's not happening._

Not _again_.

The stress it contains to drink a whole water bottle knowing what the goal is.

Not hydration, exactly.

She's a fool, at least she feels like one. In eleven years of marriage, where birth control wasn't that important during sex, and after all those years where there could have been a time, it all happens now. In the worst moment and position of their relationship.

It's been short, very short. It's news, total news. She's the only one who knows, and maybe also that embryo, but he or she hasn't been totally created after all. She obviously got rid of the pregnancy test as soon as she could after those two blue lines were seen by her glassy eyes...

_melancholy_.

Somehow she carried the evidence with her during the whole morning, the vibe for her was already awkward and painful, and having to deal with the awkward vibe between Derek and Meredith, that they radiated that morning in the elevator, didn't make things easier; she had finally found time to develop the test in a trash can inside of an on-call room bathroom.

She could blame her hormones over all that episode where she screamed at Derek and made such a big drama out of something that seemed "silly", but she would like to believe it was her spirit manifesting, since it was obviously an early pregnancy still, the morning sickness hasn't started yet, but her breast do feel a little sensitive.

Was it silly though? No. It surely wasn't. She was fighting for her marriage at that minute, trying to wake up his husband after all these time he's been "sleeping" or not really caring over any kind of situation about their relationship. 'I want you to care!' She screamed. She really did mean it.

She used to have a dog, and now has a husband who seems to be getting around. She's not sure about that yet. She's alone.

Half happy... half unhappy... lost and uncomfortable.

A baby isn't what she expected to happen, not because of their 'boring' sex problem, or because they weren't getting any younger; it wasn't what she she expected because she knew and constantly reminded herself that a reconciliation doesn't happen in a couple of days. It could be weeks. Months. Years.

Maybe she reminded herself that to make the guilt feel less heavier. It didn't help that much though.

She doesn't want a pregnancy to bring them back together, or to split them up. There's options, there's always some option.

But none of them seem really good. Or perfect. Or _ideal_.

**Number one: **Telling Derek and having the baby in this time where everything seems to be falling apart slowly but gently. People (and maybe Derek) would think and say that she got pregnant to trap him and don't get the marriage to an end; plus a child can't feel totally loved in a home where there's no affection for each other between the parents.

**Number two: **She tells Derek but he asks for a divorce and the baby ends up having two parents that hate each other.

**Number three: **She goes back to New York and raises a child by herself. This way things would be easier and Derek could have his intern back.

**Number four: **Abortion or termination. (Termination sounds nicer in her head.) It doesn't feel right to end with another life and keeping it as a dark secret.

**Number five: **Adoption. No, that's not happening either. For sure.

**Number six: **magically the pregnancy will disappear.

Okay, scratch option number six already. She finally gets what she always wanted, she's not wasting that. Which is why she has figured out to stay with option number one. Addison is hopeful, sometimes, even if she gets down easily and has been down many times, she has the hope. The hope that with the time somehow her marriage will end up fixing.

_Geez Addison! This isn't a fairytale. Prince Charming- i mean, Dreamy... prince Dreamy isn't going to come back to rescue you._

Prom. God, prom was maybe her only way back to feeling like she mattered in the whole marriage kinda thing. The way he asked. She felt like there was still some hope left for them. After all, they were _**Addison and Derek.**_

She lies on the bed and doesn't move. She's wearing that red dress but she doesn't wanna go. Her hair is still messy and she hasn't yet started to put some make up on or anything like that. He sighs when he sees her in there.

_Defeated_.

The trailer has an unpleasant smell: it's Derek's smell mixed with some wet dog smell and the smell of her expensive perfumes or creams. There was no lavander candles in here. No candles like back in New York. No nice smells, except from Derek. But the smell of Doc was still around and she couldn't help but feel a little sad he was gone and a totally disgusted at the animal smell she had to deal with. It was all a mix. Come on, she was living inside of this kind of a soup can.

She closes her eyes for a couple of seconds, he's still staring. His wearing that tuxedo that makes him look a bit more handsome, even hotter. She has always loved how he looked wearing suits.

She opens her eyes. "Is it necessary to... attend?" She doesn't look at him; the ceiling is a good and peaceful view, where she doesn't have to deal with any face expressions he will probably show.

"That's a requirement for prom, Addison." A soft giggle makes her chest feel less tense. He moves from there, the air shifts. "Are we gonna go?" He sits on the edge on the bed.

She moves and looks at him. "I simply don't feel up to it." Her eyes look down to the bathroom door. The same bathroom where she found out she had a growing life inside of her uterus right now.

"Succinct explanation, what's new?" He says, a harsh of sarcasm on his tone.

"Derek, I really am not into this whole prom thing." Silence fills the room.

A hand catches hers. It's warm. "You look beautiful." His voice is still soft, maybe he's trying to be charming?

"I would look stunner if I would have access to Dior and Louboutin shoes." She chuckles and breathes sharply. B_ut I'll be getting fat and glowing in a couple of weeks, so I don't really need the designer clothes because I'm gonna be too big for them._

"You really hate Seattle, don't you?" He squeezes her hand. That hasn't happened in a while; Constant touch between both of them for more than one minute was already odd, well sex doesn't count.

She looks at their hands together. "I'm warming up, but yeah, I kind of do."

"Sorry honey."

_Honey_.

"I miss Sav, Weiss, The Brownstone... your sisters." His hand doesn't last any longer holding hers, it slips slowly and gently, allowing him to look at her with a little difficulty; not wanting to ruin his tux.

"Mark." He mentions him, studying her face. It shows disappointment, anxiety, tiredness, maybe pain.

"No... not Mark." She shakes her head slightly, giving him a look. Frowning, actually.

He gets comfortable, moving his pillow, giving her some space on the small bed they had to share and sleep on."You two were close, weren't you?"

"Don't go there, Derek. Just... don't." She shakes her head and sighs. Her eyes back on that ceiling. That dark part of her life and those horrible mistakes have lead her to today.

"Admit it." It even seemed Derek missed Sloan himself too, sometimes. We all need a best friend. A company. Too sad he lost both best friends at the same time. Right? What a shame.

"I mean, yeah I do miss him, but not as you think I do." She's sorry, all the time, everyday. Everytime she looks into his eyes, she remembers how much she almost lost or might loose pretty soon. "I miss those days when we were all good friends and we would spend time together, I don't know... watching some Yankees game." She giggles a little, making him giggle lightly too. Addison wasn't very into sports; she just watched and after half hour usually fell asleep on Derek's chest. "We used to like going out. Being the three of us inside of the OR, operating." She looks at him again. The ceiling isn't that interesting.

"I miss that too." His face shows disappointment, too.

"I screwed it up, didn't I?" Her voice is a little shaky, but she isn't breaking down. Her eyes have always been too proud to show weakness.

"Pretty much." He looks away.

"Pretty much, right." She wishes it could all stop. This war, between them, Mark, everyone. She wishes she could go back in time and open Derek's eyes before he would turn into a workaholic. "I'm sorry. About all of that. Screwing things up." She keeps her eyes on him.

He gives her a look too, his lips don't show any sign of a sympathetic smile. "We both did."

"Yeah."

He sighs cracking a small smirk. Her melting heart. "Richard counts on us."

Camille is her patient too, she cares about Adele and Richard, she understands the pain they must be going through. Derek wanted to show up and show his support for the family, maybe have some fun. But he didn't want to go either. The vet was going to be there and he was still into Meredith... or that was the idea his mind was sticking to.

"Go alone then, I really don't feel like going." She says, closing her eyes, rubbing a finger to her itchy eye.

"Is this about Doc?" The dog ate most of her best pair of shoes, but she still showed some love and appreciation. After Derek was bitching at her, she would find a peaceful place on the outside stairs with the company of that furry friend.

Except that Doc wasn't going to be there anymore.

"No. I mean yeah, but no." She says, not opening her eyes.

"What is it then?" He's curious. He's trying to show that he's trying to be caring. He wants some credit too and she knows that. Playing the good guy is a need, almost like a job that needs to be done.

She wishes it wouldn't have to be like that. Or maybe he's really sorry and he really wants to try to fix something instead of just ending up as **_the good guy._**

She slowly stands up from bed, careful on not falling or getting injured by the high heels near her foot. "Just... go without me. You'll have fun. I could use some time by myself." _To try to figure out what to do with... _**_it_.**

He sits up better. "I don't understand you. I really don't." He shakes his head at her. She's staring at him, unzipping her dress.

"It's late, go." She says, getting one strap off of her shoulder. Her hands go immediately to her hips, giving him a look. Serious one.

He's serious once again, too. "Couple hours ago you were hurt I didn't care. Now I try my best and you push me away?" He asks politely, still a little hurt by her behavior. He really was trying his best, being kind and gentle.

"I want you to care, but not by obligation." She says.

"At least I'm trying!" His voice is raised a little, her body is exhausted and she's not up to moving herself out from that tiny bed.

She shakes her head. "Not by heart, Derek." He looks hurt. An unhappy face is reflected.

"It's kinda difficult to do things by heart when your wife breaks it after sleeping with your best friend." He snaps at her. He doesn't feel sorry for a minute, he also stands up for himself. She's not the only one in pain and she has to notice that.

_Stop playing the victim, Addison._

"Oh, don't you dare acting like the marthir. Don't be petty!"

"You want me to do imposible things." It's actually simple, he could find a way to see the positive side and focus on what he loves about her. Because he does... love her. The feeling has been drowning slowly, sadly. He wishes he could feel young and fresh as he used to feel around her. He could thank Mark for that though.

_Stop yelling._ "It won't make you less of a man just to show some feelings and notice that I am also hurt. I am a human being and I messed up." She snaps back at him.

"You did worse than that." He stands up completely, now facing her.

"Fine. I destroyed everything." She takes the other strap off and lets the dress fall.

"Thank you!" He says, maybe too dramatic.

"At least I don't runaway!" She moves from her position to that small bathroom door where her robe is waiting for her. She's not going to stand in underwear in front of him during a fight.

She wraps herself on the light green robe, feeling a bit more warmer. "Maybe you don't but you keep on destroying everything!" His feelings has been spoken. His heart has been open. He stares at her.

"I'm trying to built something. Sometimes there's previous demolitions before anyone builds anything." _What kind of comparison is this?_

"Congratulations, you have been demolishing me for the last months." He gets the methapor, for sure.

She shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest, the glassy eyes aren't important right now. "I'm an adulterous whore, what did you spect? Did you thought Satan could take your mercy? McDreamy?! They should call you McJerk."

He rolls his eyes.

His voice has been rising another volume. At this point Doc would have barked to make him shut up. "Satan's mistress speaks up." He imitates her by crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, stop yelling at me." She raises her voice too. She's not in the mood.

He runs a hand through that dark hair and takes his tux jacket off. "I don't wanna go either." He's back on the edge of the bed.

"You surely don't want to look at Meredith, don't you? You don't wanna stay here with me." Her tone changed pronouncing that _here_, because the place where they were standing at wasn't exactly a _home_.

"Well, Addison, you caught me!" He says with a dramatic tone, that clearly annoyed her.

She rolls her eyes and sits on the edge of the bed next to him. "I'm tired of this."

"_This_ means your husband?" He asks, half serious, half dramatic. They were both professionals at arguing with each other. They had been arguing for years now.

She shakes her head and doesn't make any kind of eye contact. "No. It means the way we treat each other." She says.

"You can't blame all of that on me."

"I am not." She makes eye contact, her eyes show that she is in pain, "Who said I was?"

"Addison." He says, he knows she's hurt and doesn't think anymore arguing will help. Avoiding the conversation is always better, sometimes saner.

She moves some hairs away from her face. "It's exhausting to keep on trying and smiling." She shakes her head a little, tired. She wants old Derek back more than anything. "I even had to re-schedule a surgery so I could be able to watch you operate on a patient I didn't even care about." She looks away know.

He looks down to the hand that she's been resting on her knee. Her rings are still there. "You wanted us to get back together. That's what happened." His tone is dry, not exactly rude, but it is dry, "This is the result, Addison. For once assume you did something wrong."

"I always assume it, you never listen to me! Never!" She snaps at him. She feels weaker than ever, not capable.

"I always do!" He doesn't. At least not everytime, not always. He wants to feel like the good guy. He did commit many mistakes by sleeping with Meredith and being revengeful against his wife, but he was hurt. He was still hurting. "It's not my fault you're not showing how sorry you are to me."

"Derek... I am friends with Meredith Grey." Her eyes come back on facing his. "I have deleted Mark Sloan from every kind of contact list I have." Those glassy eyes... god, are they because of the hormones? Or is this too much to handle for her emotions. "I burned the clothes I wore that day, Derek."

"Respect me a bit more, then. I'm still healing and digesting all of this." _Who's the softie now?_

She sighs, still calm enough not to yell at him."It's been months, Derek. How much do you want me to wait?!" They are so near each other it's difficult, it makes her heart ache.

"Until I'm ready." His response it's pretty clear and calm, his sad eyes looking into hers. He notices she's really sorry; Even the pride couldn't hide that.

"Derek there's no time for that. You will have to assume you were also an asshole." Addison won't stop trying to prove the point that he also had hurt her, not only by sleeping with a twelve year old intern, but also for ignoring her and being bitchy. He also had some credit by being absent all that time back when they lived together on the upper east side.

"Are you saying that I pushed you into Mark's arms? I suddenly didn't." He arguments.

"It's not it. There's just barely time for that." Her sad smile does an appareance.

"Can I know why?" He would like her to wait until he accepts her back into his heart. Maybe he has already done that, but the word _forgive_ hasn't come out of his mouth yet.

"Do you even love me?" She looks down, again. His wedding band isn't there tonight either.

He looks down too, following her gaze. "Excuse me?" He asks.

There's a debate inside of her mind. She could catch his hand and rub that 'whiter' part on his finger where the wedding band should be, or just drop the idea. "Do you feel... love? For me?"

"Addison..." he doesn't have an answer for her right now.

"I need to know. Otherwise I'll never know what's wrong between us."

•••

It's been a fifteen minute trip until now, their way to Carolyn's Connecticut house was always a good and fun trip. The sound of Billy Idol made it all so pleasant, yet the road was already pleasant if they had each other's company.

Addison looks at him. He keeps on smiling but his eyes are on the road, non stop. He was good at concentrating; but her greenish eyes were trying to found his gaze which made his concentration harder. "This song has gotten tattooed on my mind." She giggles, pressing the repeat button again.

"Maybe that's because you keep on replaying it." He doesn't complain. He likes the song too, he adores to listen to her sing the parts she knows by word and laugh along her. Seeing her smile made him smile.

"I never thought I was ever going to feel this sexually attracted to Billy Idol." That makes them both laugh, very hard.

Derek loved the way she always found a way to make something funny out of something pretty normal or regular.

"Why? Because of the name?"

"It does indeed sound like the name a fifteen year old teenager would name himself." She cracks a smile. She could tell this is her happy place; loud music, handsome husband, wind. Not to mention the smell of her perfume and his smile could make everything better. She had everything she wanted or needed.

His hand catches hers. "You know... I could be Derek Idol." A gentle squeeze made Addison's heart feel warm.

"Der Idol sounds way better." She winks at him when he gives her a quick look before going back on driving that car.

"I'm Der Idol then, ladies." He tilted his head a little. She giggled.

"I love you." The sentence comes out of her mouth not as habit, but as something she really did mean.

He gave her a look, sadly not too long, having to come back on looking at the road. "I love you too, endlessly." The sentence makes her feel like melting in love for him and obligates her to bit her lip. He was such a sweet and kind man.

•••

She stands up from the edge of the bed. "I'm just going to bed."

"Addison..." he tries to stop her, not raising his voice or protesting some silence from her.

"Don't _Addison_ me. Stop it." She stops from opening the bathroom door. "You don't feel the same way about me and it's fine. It's fine. I screwed everything up. It's my fault." She points with her own finger to herslef. "Mine."

"It's not as easy as you think it is!" He stands up, facing her.

"Did you tell her?" She rest a shoulder against the bathroom door. He's a little taller than her; she feels small when she has look a little up to him.

"What?"

Addison could use a classic card she always used during every argument, '_the ring', _she hoped she could get to use that card. "That you loved her. Did you told her? Did you told Meredith?"

"No." He's being honest. He's progressing, right?

She presses her lips together. The next question is hard for her, because she's afraid what the answer might be. "Do you love her?"

"Addison..." his eyes don't stop to look into hers and that freaks her out.

"I said - just... answer the question." Derek tilts his head a little. "Please."

"I don't know what it was."

"What?" She did hear what he said, but she's not certainly sure of what it might or might not mean.

She walks past him, on the direction to the bed. Their shoulders touch but he doesn't move. "I don't know if it was love or..." now he decides to flip and look at her directly "...maybe happiness."

"Happiness... I see." She nods. A tear runs down her cheek, she's fast enough to catch it with her finger and takes a sit on the edge of the bed, the exact same spot as earlier. He has to look down to her.

"Don't do that." He asks, begs.

Her face rests on her two hands. "What? Feel hurt?"

"No, walk away like I do." He's now resting his shoulder against the bathroom door. An innocent talk has lead them to an argument.

She looks up to his disappointed and soft blue eyes, "I'm not walking away."

"You are. I was hurt and I walked away, don't walk away like me." He obviously quoted the word _hurt_ from her.

"I am not."

"Addison." He's doing that again. _Addisoning_ her.

"Stop It! Alright? I'm going to bed." She stands up from the edge of the bed and walks to her supposed to be her her side of the bed.

Derek finds himself in a weird position. He feels like there's still something off. He feels like they should try. "We should talk."

"Derek it's fine." She notices she didn't take her pajamas from the bathroom. She'll have to sleep on her robe then, because she doesn't want to go near him.

He walks closer to the bed. "You're not fine."

"Perhaps it will go away." She looks down and starts taking her earrings off.

Silence fills the room, she gets inside of the bed and joins her hair on a ponytail before trying to get comfortable. He looks at her through the whole getting ready for bed process. Her thoughts are haunting her. _Besides your pajamas you forgot to brush your teeth. - you should at least add some cream to your dry skin. - you're hungry! - it's freezing inside of here._

"I do." He says, out loud. He catches her attention immediately. "I just... it's not the same, Addie. It's not the same as it was back in New York." He explains. She gets back on fetal position and closes her eyes. "I don't feel the same way."

"It's fine." She mumbles.

"Now you're the one denying your feelings?" He asks. Derek walks closer to the bed, this way sitting on his side of the bed.

She sighs, tired of this whole argument. "I already told you I love you." She opens her eyes ."What am I? A toy for you?"

"Addison, I'm also trying here." He shares.

"Doesn't seem like you're doing your best efforts." She points out. She knew Derek Shepherd quite well. If he wanted something he was willing to do whatever it took.

"At least I'm trying." He says, is that sentence supposed to make her feel calmer? Better? Because if it is, it's not really helping. Maybe she feels relieved by his confession, but Addison hopes he could just say those three words to her face.

"I'm trying too." Her eyes close. "I need to sleep." She mumbles.

His hand caresses her cheek, just for a second. It was a quick touch. "Sweet Dreams."

"You too." She mumbles, turning around. Facing him wasn't a plan.

There was so many things inside of her head. She had to tell him, she had to fix her marriage, but she didn't want to seem desperate. She didn't want expectations to break the relationship even more. There's too much to think about, too much things to share and be excited about. Too much time too, or at least she hoped it would be a lot of time to figure everything out somehow.

Everything would end up being easier. She would be happy someday again. Misery and pain wasn't something she was determined to keep on feeling. Maybe leaving Derek would bring her joy; but at the moment it didn't seem like that. Right now all she wanted was to be with him.

Maybe it was a lost cause.

_Was it though?_

•••

He wakes up as usual. Or as he used to. Red hairs are the first thing his eyes see. He forgot to turn the bathroom's light off after brushing his teeth that night. She's heavily asleep on his chest. His arms are keeping her warm in an embrace that's like a second home for her.

Their shifts were starting later that day, probably she would not be as happy as he is to wake up in this position, or at least that's how he thinks she will think like.

He moves a bit, a very slight movement, he takes his phone from the small nightstand and checks the hour. It's not morning yet, that would explain the darkness. 3:21 AM. Sometimes he hopes everything could come back to what it used to be. Those two young Addison and Derek; before they were the bests on their fields, before work made them exhausted and stressed 24/7. Before, when kisses and songs tasted and sounded like summer even if it was winter or late autumn.

He smiles at the memories they shared. His hand goes up from her shoulder to her red hairs. That doesn't wake her up, not yet. He feels the liberty to move his nose closer to the top of her head. Her shampoo smells so good, like lavender if he's not wrong. She moves a little, now her hand rests next to her sleeping face.

He can't fall asleep. He's too awake. She needs to be loved and appreciated, not yelled at, or hated. That's what he thought. But, what was he doing exactly? He was yelling, hating, loving, appreciating... all at the same time. It was complicated and confusing.

He lets his free hand to rest on top of hers. There's a slight movement that comes from her, her foot finds his and her hand catches his immediately, grabbing it.

"Addie?" He's not quite sure she woke up or not.

Her head makes a little movement. "Mhm?" She sounds still sleepy.

Maybe she started to wake up, but she'll go back to sleep soon. He moves his feet closer to hers. Her skin feels cold, he's happy to give her some warmth.

"I love you, too." He mumbles into her ear, hoping she's not really listening because admitting it seems scary; like she could adquire power by just knowing he still felt love for her.

* * *

_That was the first chapter! If you're reading this and you're looking forward more content please leave a review!_


	2. 2- He loves that readhead

_Yay! Thank you all for the positive reviews I received. I'm really happy you guys liked it! So sorry for some typos I always end up doing, I also apologize for many mistakes, grammatical mistakes and also logical ones. :) _

_Also, @wintermachine might have "infected" me a way or "style" of writing, so, I'm very very veryyy sorry If it seems like I copied or tried to copy her (?), so I'm very sorry if it seemed like I did(?). _

_But no I didn't intend or try to copy her, for sure. Giving credits anyway since I do think my "style" has changed after reading too much fluffy Addek stuff._

_Anyways,_

_Hope you like this chapter!_

_•••_

"You could have woken me up." She takes another sip of the glass of water before he opens the door of that tiny trailer.

He stands in there waiting for her to go through the door as soon as possible to catch the next ferryboat. "Sorry, I didn't notice it was this late." He has kept himself up for hours, stroking her hair and just listening to her constant breathing on his chest.

He knew they were going to end up having to give a long explanation to Richard as to why they didn't make an appearance last night.

She sighs and walks out of the trailer. "You know, it's fine."

He holds a laugh. For Addison nothing is really _fine_ after a fight. "Fine?" He closes the door behind his back and locks it.

"Yeah, fine." They both walk to Derek's car.

She would have gone by herself on her red Mercedes but they were already too late and she could come back to the land on a cab if Derek has to stay later than her.

He unlocks the car with the key. Both get up, he gives her a look, a constant curious look. "I let you sleep more than you should, I make us both be late and you say it's fine?"

"Well, we're both ready now." She says, putting her seatbelt on.

He checks his watch. "It's an hour and forty four minutes later." Something shines besides the watch on his wrist. She sees it. His wedding band is back. Somehow he noticed she had noticed he hasn't been wearing his wedding band in a long time.

He didn't want her to believe that this action might be a symbol of total forgiveness because he was still hurting.

Addison looks away, not wanting to make her happiness too obvious. After all, they just had a fight which should make everything awkward and annoying as it should be.

As it has _always _been.

"Why are you counting anyway? You're the one who kept himself awake and didn't say a word." She snaps, but in a gently way that's almost like she's teasing him.

"You said it was fine." He points out.

"And it is." She gives him a look. The morning sun was shiny and radiant; one of the things they missed because of having to rush to the hospital so early. Today they could get to see the sun. All she wanted was to leave and being able to have a time by herself during the ferryboat trip they had to go through; this way she could think about breaking the news and many other pendant issues she had. "Now, let's go." She encourages him.

"Alright."

They are finally driving. It's a very silent way to the ferryboats. Calm. It's time she uses to think, but not about her whole pregnancy issue, she's actually non stop thinking about his wedding band. She'll probably get stuck on the thought. She already did and she won't let go.

She thought he was going to ask why she didn't ask for any coffee this morning. He didn't notice. I mean, he obviously did, but didn't find it odd or strange. Sometimes Addison did drink water in the mornings and then would drink some coffee at the hospital, as usual.

Except that now...

It wasn't going to be as _usual._

They both walk through the ferryboat, the view is exquisite. "What are we going to tell the chief?" Derek asks politely. Both walking next to each other.

"Richard will understand." She doesn't make any eye contact. "I had a fever and you decided to take care of your lovely wife as you should and would." A lie was the easiest way.

He nods. "Of course I did." His hand caresses her upper arm. The touch his hand feels is the touch of that gorgeous beige coat. He remembers that coat.

•••

_Four years ago..._

Shopping wasn't his favorite way of wasting time or spending time; but it was Addison's for sure. She loved getting new pieces of clothing. Clothes she could wear to dinner parties at their friends' house, stunning clothes and boots that could be modeled around the streets of the upper east side when they had days off.

She enjoyed classy and comfortable clothes. His favorite part of shopping with Addison was lingerie shopping, but he could admit she looked cute wearing some outfits and he enjoyed that view too.

"What do you think?" She asks. A beige coat that's normal. It doesn't have anything out of the ordinary.

"Try it on." He suggests with a small charming smile. She smiles back at him and takes the coat out of the clothespin. He walks closer to her and takes the coat on his hands. She turns around as he helps her try the coat on.

There's a mirror in front of her. "Pretty, right?"

He stares for a while. "Beautiful." That's all he says.

They give each other a cute look through the mirror.

•••

"But then he'll ask why we are so late and I'm not going to explain that by myself." He tells her, she rolls her eyes and faces him.

"Figure that out yourself." She suggests, using a kind tone.

She tilts her head a bit. "Maybe we can just say we didn't wake up when we had to." Derek says.

She chuckles at that and looks back to the water and morning sunshine. "Correction, you didn't wake me up when I had to." He catches her hand.

He moves the union of their hands to his lips, kissing the back of Addison's hand. She gives him a curious look. Was that some kind of cheesy apology for being such an ass? "You were sleeping peacefully." He will use that excuse.

"We're late anyways." She won't drop the theme that easily. Addison has to say she was surprised by that sweet kiss.

He squeezes her hand. "You said it was fine."

"Well, it isn't." She says sincerely, sighing sharply.

"Okay, I'll come clean to Richard and I'll say I didn't wake you up at the hour I had to. Happy?" He asks.

"Pretty close."

"How come?" He chuckles softly, very McDreamy kind of way of chuckling.

"Pretty close to being happy." She explains vaguely.

He doesn't respond because he knows whatever he says could lead into another fight or misunderstanding. He just gives her a small grin and hopes that will light up the mood.

"Want some coffee?" He offers himself to go buy her some coffee.

Caffeine. No, no caffeine. "I actually feel like I'll need luck for today. Juju?" She asks, her mood seems lighten. Perhaps that friendly grin did help a bit.

He nods. "Juju, then. I'll be back in a minute." He lets go of her hand and walks away. She sighs.

She has many things to think about:

_**Number one**_: finding a trustworthy OB/GYN that could give her an ultrasound. She had to be maybe as good as she was and a respected doctor.

_**Number two**_: finding a polite and comfortable way of telling Derek. There was many ways but none of them were on her mind besides bringing it up casually on some conversation, which wasn't as ideal as it could be.

_**Number three**_: hiding any kind of reference or symptom at all costs. She didn't want to be part of the nurses gossiping.

_**Number four**_: how to convince Derek on moving from that soup can, considering they couldn't raise a kid inside of there, not at all_. _But before this she had to do number two.

•••

They arrive at the hospital and thankfully aren't as noticed as they could be noticed any other day. There's no much movement around anyways.

"John Jennings' chart, please?" He asks the nurse.

"There you go." The nurse says kindly and leaves it on the table.

He walks towards the nurses station. "Meredith... hey." Derek greets the intern, who's going down the stairs.

She approaches with a small grin. "Hey! You heard?" The blonde intern asks. Addison was probably on the attendings lounge not aware that her husband was talking to the twelve year old once again.

"I'm not following." Derek frowns at her, noticing some worry on her eyes.

"Um, Denny Duquette died." She explains.

Derek nods, showing his best serious face. "Oh, I'm sorry."

There was an unknown dimension when it came to Meredith, there was always wrong going on. There was always something she could worry or be unthankful about. She was like a complicated puzzle, he could tell. Maybe his brain likes complicated puzzles... Addison used to be a complicated puzzle.

She shakes her head, a little, barely. "It's not my pity... it's... Izzie. She's paralyzed in my bathroom floor." Meredith explains vaguely.

He doesn't really care who is or who is not paralyzed in her bathroom floor, but he listens anyway; a part of himself wonders why. "Oh, interesting. How was prom last night?" He asks casually.

"Good. Um, I invited Finn."

"Great. How was the Vet?" He likes this game. He really does. Acting like a jealous boyfriend.

"Good." A small grin comes through her face. "We thought we could see you there but you weren't anywhere to be seen." She adds to the short reply.

"I spent the night at home. It had been a long day." Derek says.

"I didn't see Addison either." She says. Why would she go alone anyway? She was going with Derek and if Derek wasn't there, that meant she wasn't going either for sure.

He nods casually. "She stayed home with me, she had a fever."

"Is she feeling any better?" That's not concern, that's jealousy. The young intern would die to have a fever and being taken care of by _McDreamy_.

Derek nods and adds a small grin to that. "Yeah, she's better."

"Good."

"Have you seen Yang? She's on my services today."

"Cristina? Yeah, um, she's probably with Bailey somewhere near here." Meredith doesn't seem that pleased by their conversation.

"Okay, thanks. See you later, Meredith." He takes the chart that the nurse had given him and leaves her in there, staring.

•••

Addison feels already very awkward. There's no many nurses near and they are all busy. She walks towards Nicole Herman, great surgeon, great obstetrician too. It seems like she's the best for this job.

She approaches very quickly. There's a headache already making things worse "Hey, Herman. I mean, Nicole." The woman looks at the redhead with a look of concern and curiousness. "Do you mind helping me with a consult?"

"Shepherd... good to see you." She first greets. "What kind of consult?" Addison Shepherd was the best in her field, why would she need any help over a simple consult?

She's wearing a messy bun that looked super good on her. "I assume I can trust you with something, right?" She tilts her head a little.

"Sure. What is it?" Nicole rests her hands on the pockets of her lab coat.

Addison sighs and looks directly at Herman in the eye. "I need a consult. Me."

"You're that you're...?" Herman catches the idea immediately.

She looks to both sides, right and left; worried someone might be hearing their conversation. "Don't say anything, please. My husband doesn't know yet."

"My mouth is shut." Nicole gives her a nod. "Let's give you a look then."

•••

Another table where she feels incredibly uncomfortable. This time she's not suffering of poison oak, so there's no ache right _there_ and she isn't suffering. This time she's not inside of an abortion clinic letting go of the only trustworthy company she was going to have.

Now there's no guilt making her heart feel heavier.

The gel is cold but she doesn't complain. She just closes her eyes and wait until her skin gets used to the cold temperature.

"So?" Her eyes are still closed and she doesn't want to open them. Not at all.

"This looks like five weeks, if I'm not mistaken." Nicole says, watching the monitor. Addison opens her eyes slowly and gives the image a look.

Her mind does an imaginary calendar; five weeks and four days ago.

She wishes her eyes would not be forming a big amount of tears. It's definitely five weeks. She's a professional and she can tell. That night at the hotel, when he ended up sneaking out. She remembers that night perfectly and sometimes wishes she could repeat it. It was a good night.

"Yeah, five weeks for sure." That's all she says. "It's funny. My husband is a neurosurgeon and right now my baby's brain and spinal cord have begun to form." She grins at the image of that tiny embryo. That was a growing creature inside of her.

"Want a tissue?" She asks nicely. Herman hands her a small package of Kleenex; she receives it thankful. "He seems healthy, strong pulse. Wanna hear it?" Nicole smiling is almost a miracle.

"Please."

The noise fills the room. It's the sound of her baby's heart that had been almost developed and ready to work.

Meanwhile outside of that exam room, Alex Karev looks for the She Shepherd.

Derek walks by, spotting Alex. "Have you seen my wife?" By his point of view she's probably on surgery or checking on patients, but it doesn't seem that way exactly. The ER was pretty calm this morning.

Alex shakes his head in negation. "Dude, I'm also looking for her. Join the hunt if you want to." The stubborn intern offers.

"Alright then." Derek wanted to talk to her about making lunch plans. He wanted to make it up to her after their fight. Just like the old times.

"Hey, have you seen Montgomery - Shepherd?" Alex asks a nurse. The nurse points to an exam room.

Both men walk towards it. Derek knocks on the door, twice.

"Who is it?" Addison yells, she dries the tears of joy around her cheeks with the back of her hand and stays in that position, feeling the most uncomfortable right now. Herman turns the volume off, for sure.

"It's me." Derek says out loud. "And Karev." He wonders what's going on in there.

"Don't get in." She yells back.

"Why?" Derek asks. A door between them isn't the best way of communication.

"I'm examining myself, alright?" She says. Best excuse she could find at the moment. Nicole can't help but giggle.

Derek gives Derek a weird look. "What?" He yells to Addison. It's not like he's yelling for real, he's just raising his voice a lot, trying to make her hear him.

"Vaginal exam, Derek. Go away." Geez, she really did embarrass herself by using that excuse. Nicole bursts into laughs. For a moment Derek thought the poison oak was back and would have to deal with a pissed off wife.

Karev rolls his eyes as both men walk away from near that door. "I really didn't want to hear that coming from your wife's mouth." The intern seems disgusted.

"Me either." Derek chuckles and leaves Alex in there by himself.

Back inside the exam room, both obstetricians laugh non stop at such stupid episode.

"That was stupid." Nicole says.

"Ugh, I know." She shakes her head a little.

"Now, have you experienced any symptoms yet?"

"Cramps, headache and tender breasts. That's I've had for now. Oh, and fatigue."

"That's common, you already know that."

"Yeah."

"Congratulations." Nicole hands her a towel to clean the gel off of her lower abdomen.

Mission one was been accomplished.

•••

She nods. "Yeah it's actually a very interesting procedure."

"Sounds like you are a pro." Matthew Savoy says, all flirty and playing the handsome boy. Savoy was an ass, everybody knew that. But somehow the man could be a sweetheart when it came to being in Addison's presence. Literally, Savoy is one of those guys that when there's a storm and could use some help, you would gladly walk away as soon as you can with your umbrella, leaving him alone and getting wet.

Every man could turn into a sweetheart just to win a little space into Addison's reckless heart.

"I'm here for a reason!" She chuckles. Her eyes then meet Derek's, who's standing beside him.

He had been looking for Addison everywhere, he hasn't seen her in the whole day and didn't expect he would find her waiting for the elevator next to Savoy.

"Hey" he greets.

She gives him a small grin. "Oh, hi. Um, I was discussing some neonatal procedures with doctor Savoy." She explains why the conversation with that ass. Derek walks nearly her, standing just next to her.

"Doctor Savoy." He inclines his head a little, greeting the attending.

Savoy did the same. "Doctor Shepherd."

"So, are you thinking of dumping Cardiology and joining Gynecology?" Derek smiles all Mcdreamy and cracks a short, sweet laugh.

"What? No." Savoy denies. "Doctor Montgomery - Shepherd asked my advice on a surgery she's performing soon." Savoy explains why the conversation. Addison never needed help when it came to surgery. Never.

"You did?" Derek frowns at his wife, who was blushing slightly.

"I did." She nods, hands on the pockets of her lab coat. "I'm not a cardiologist and maybe I should keep on investigating more about fetal heart surgery procedures." That's her excuse.

The truth was that she sometimes liked to be flirty, specially lately. And seen Derek so jealous made her want to laugh like crazy at that cute annoyed face and those sad blue eyes.

"I see." He nods.

"Talk to you later, Addison." Savoy says.

_Addison._

So, they treat each other with their names instead of last names?

"You too Matthew!" Addison says, smiling softly at him. He walks away leaving the couple alone, Addison still waiting for the elevator.

He now takes place in front of her. "I've been looking for you everywhere." He smiles at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, why? I'm fine. I'm perfect." She says.

His hand rests on her cheek, "You look a little pale."

"It's just a headache but I'm alright." She moves a little, letting his hand stop the contact. "What's up?"

"I wanted to know if you wanted to grab lunch with me?" His hand on his pockets too.

"Oh, that. Sorry honey, I'm having lunch with Karev today."

That's odd. Addison is being kind and nice to a very annoying intern that wasn't thankful for being on her services. "I could join you, maybe?"

"I don't know, you're pretty..."

"Pretty what?" He cuts her off before she can say no more.

"You always act jealous when I talk to other men." She chuckles at that, reminding what just happened around Matthew Savoy.

"What? That's not true." _It is._

"I prefer to have lunch with Karev." Her explanation is lame. "Maybe dinner?"

"Alright. Dinner at the Archfield?" The elevator doors open.

This sounds like a date.

"Um, sure. I'll see you later. I'm late for a consult. Bye honey." She approaches him quick enough to being able to peck his lips and get inside of the elevator.

It was a _date_ for sure. It felt weird, having dates. It felt like when their relationship started and they were weird around each other for a while until they both started opening theirselves to each other.

•••

She had a crazy lunch with the stubborn intern, Karev. Derek watched them laugh and share pizza together while he spent time next to Preston Burke.

Alex Karev was noble and had talent, he wasn't just another ass that somehow found a way to go through med school. Addison thought that guy could end up being a professional on her area if he kept on her services.

"My wife is eating pizza." He looks at her. She's actually enjoying pizza.

Addison Montgomery Shepherd wasn't a pizza person. Or at least she looked like one that wasn't. She used to stay late studying with Derek and they would order pizza or sushi sometimes, but she hasn't tasted such thing since a long time ago.

"Is that bad?" Preston Burke can't help but hold a laugh at the annoying expression Derek had on his face.

The brown haired man shakes his head. "Not exactly. It is actually horrifying." He takes a sip of his water bottle and keeps on staring.

"How come your wife eating pizza is something horrifying."

"If you only knew." He laughs.

"She's enjoying it at least."

•••

_Thirteen years ago..._

She joins her head into a messy ponytail. "Can you please concentrate?" She asks Derek.

He keeps on staring and completely ignores all books near him. "Sorry. It's difficult to even think when you look at me like that."

"Derek, this is not a joke." She sounds annoyed but she's still te cutest human being in the whole world. "Be serious."

"Want another slice?" He offers her, opening the pizza box.

"I will accept another slice." She nods, handing him her plate, that it's returned with a slice of Hawaiian pizza. A very weird mix that both enjoyed.

"So, patient has muscular pain after smiling too much, pain chest..." she knows he's teasing her, but she's too busy eating. "... tired eyes after staring too much time at a gorgeous redhead and..."

"And his name is Derek Christopher Shepherd." She finishes the sentence before he could keep on being a cheesy romantic man.

He nods, taking a sip of his beer. "You got it right. Give me a diagnosis."

She giggles and looks down. Eye contact with him made her crazy in love. "I think he might be in love with that redhead you mentioned."

"You think?" His hand now strokes her cheek.

"Oh, no. I assure you." She giggles and leans for a kiss. Soft and slow kiss.

•••

"I'm sorry honey, but I'm exhausted." She takes her coat off as soon as she is inside of there. Their little date at the Archfield went alright, he suggested wine, she had a ginger mint lemonade instead and tried not to make evident the fact that she couldn't be an alcoholic right now.

He closes the door of the trailer and turns the lights of the small kitchen on. "It's okay. You need some rest, you seem a little sick." He says. She walks past him and enters the bathroom.

She takes her blouse off inside of that small room. "I would have stayed at the Archfield, really." She looks at the mirror and can notice _they_ are obviously bigger. "It's just I have all my things here I wanted to come here and sleep." She gets out of the bathroom, to find him on the edge of the bed taking his shoes off.

"Do you want me to prepare you anything?" While he asks she takes her heels off. "Maybe a tea?"

"Water is fine, thank you." She thanks him for being considerate and showed that he was now caring. It seemed casual, not forced, which was very appreciated by her.

He stands up and walks barefoot to the refrigerator, taking a bottle of water out of it. She's now unzipping her skirt and lets her hair be free after being on the same bun the whole day. He watches her walk back into the bathroom in a quick motion.

The shower is now on.

"I wanted to shower too!" He demands, handing her the bottle of water. She winked at him and closed the door of the bathroom.

Inside of that bathroom there was a pregnant redhead that was experiencing symptoms. All of the sudden nausea makes her feel less strong. It's just nausea. She doesn't feel like vomiting, just nausea.

She can handle this. She has had to do this before, it's nothing new.

_/ okay, so, basically I ran out of inspiration for this chapter so, this is very short and doesn't contain any kind of drama :( _

_Sorry._


	3. 3- Baby Carrots

_New chapter! Took me a little while to update. I will try to update weekly. If you have any suggestions they are all welcome! :)_

_•••_

She had been looking for Derek everywhere and got tired easily, so by taking a little rest she found herself being accompanied by Matthew Savoy. Addison didn't see him as a friendly person anymore, now she knew what kind of ass he could be. After what he said to Miranda... she knew Savoy was trouble and really wasn't the sweet and good guy that always asked her how her day was going.

He was an ass that happened to have a thing for redheads.

"So you never felt into neuro? I mean your husband is a neurosurgeon." Savoy asks. The attendings lounge was filled by just her and the handsome cardiologist.

She nods. "Yeah, neurosurgeons are stubborn and too selfish." She giggles a little at that. It was just a joke, she wasn't meaning it.

"You think so?" He asks, a little surprised by her silly words.

"I've been married to one for almost twelve years, Savoy." She tilts her head and holds her hand up to show her rings.

"So you chose obstetrics." _That's a little obvious._

Addison nods again. "And neonatal." She was being nice and polite. After all she didn't have many friendships in the cold Seattle.

"Why is that?" His questions were a bit... too interested.

"I figured that I could bring life in a different and much beautiful way." Now she was the softie and the cheesy one. Wasn't she?

"You're a softie." He makes her laugh. Laugh that much that her stomach rolls over and she doesn't feel alright anymore.

She stands up from the couch and joins her hair on a messy ponytail. "You know Matthew... I'm not feeling very well." She walks near the door to exit the room. "Can we end this conversation tomorrow?" She gives the best closed lipped smile.

Savoy nods, this way she exits the room and walks quickly.

•••

Today is the day, well, in this case, night. She has to tell him as soon as she can. Keeping it a secret is eating her alive. She has no one to hold her hair while vomiting or to pat her back when the frustration after every headache and cramp she had. No one was there to embrace her. Because no one was aware.

It's been a long day. She had been having self complications during performing a surgery that afternoon. Sometimes she felt a little dizzy which is why she avoided the stairs.

Derek was having a busy day too, lots of surgeries to take care of, the chief bitching at everyone for some reason. The day was being rough.

She exists the bathroom and takes a deep breath. She hated morning sickness. In her case, afternoon sickness?

There's many things on her head and all she thinks of is some way to let Derek know. But sadly that page is totally blank. By now she should be six weeks according to her last ultrasound. It's been three days.

"I finally find you." Addison catches Derek's arm before he keeps on walking away. He had been reading the board, for sure; otherwise Addison wouldn't have find him there.

"Hi. Everything good?" He turns around and gives her a nice look.

She sometimes felt fear thinking those dreamy smiles and sweet looks directed to her were probably because he had a good day spending time with the intern. But she wasn't sure, so she preferred to bury the idea even if it came up into her mind every two minutes.

She nods weakly, "Yeah... um, I'm leaving now." She informs him. He's still wearing those blue navy scrubs.

That cheeky smile curling his lips. "Good. See you at home." He kisses her cheek. "I'll leave in a couple of hours." Derek seems pacific, not tired or exhausted. He's in a good mood.

•••

_Three years ago_

"I'm leaving in a couple of hours, I swear." He swears. God she wishes this time he's gonna keep his promise and he will come home in a couple of hours.

But he said the same just about a week ago, and still she barely had any time to ask or care about him.

"Sure. Um, should I wait for you to grab dinner together?" She asks politely. She almost believes like this is really going to happen. He's coming home and she can't wait to tell him about her day, even get some sex if he's not _tired_ or _not in the mood; _as usual.

"No, thanks. I'll have something on my way there." He doesn't look back to her, he keeps on doing paperwork.

"Great." She nods.

"Take care." He sounds sweet. He has been in a good mood.

"See you home. I'll... I'll be waiting for you." She hesitates if she should give him a kiss on the cheek, or grab his hand; it still doesn't feel right.

It's been three hours and all she can feel is disappointment. The sound of the door opening and his keys falling against the marmol table, the door slams behind his back.

She gets out of bed, not bothering on taking her robe with her. Down the stairs there's Mark's and Derek's jacket. She gets inside of the kitchen, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Hey." Addison greets the pair.

Derek turns around, beer in hand. "Hey!" He smiles at her. She missed that smile.

"Hi, Red." Mark turns around too.

She offers a cheeky smile, approaches Derek and takes his beer.

"Addie!" He demands.

She takes a sip. "You owe me."

"You know you could wear your robe, right?" Derek suggests, noticing that she's wearing only pajamas.

"Let her stay like this." Mark offers his typical depredator smile.

She shakes her head and gives Derek back his beer. "Sloan, you're such a pervert" she shakes her head.

"She isn't lying, man." Derek takes a sip of his beer and follows Mark's gaze towards Addison's breasts and he shakes his head. Typical Mark Sloan.

"Are you gonna take long?" She asks, hopeful Mark won't take him away.

"Not much. Go to bed, it's late." He kisses her cheek.

"Goodnight, honey." She kisses Derek's cheek and then gives Mark a small smile. "Goodnight, whore."

•••

Before he can walk away and leave her in there, she grabs his upper arm. Quite gently though, she didn't have to harm his husband so she could seek his attention. "Can you please pass to some grocery store and get me ginger ale?" Those puppy eyes could help her get what she wanted. "I... you know I've been a little sick."

He tilts his head to the side. He will be out in a couple of hours and he doesn't want her to wait that long for her ginger ale or whatever she needed.

"Can you go? I don't think I'll find enough time or probably many stores will be closed by the time I get out of here." He says.

"Fine. I'll go. See you." She bits her lip, she doesn't exactly feel so up to standing up for more than ten minutes and having to be on those high heels that were starting to kill her feet little by little.

"Bye." He kissed her cheek again and left.

•••

She stops by the nearest grocery store she sees and doesn't mind to take her time. She doesn't know many places in this city, for sure. She's still a new kid getting to know her classmates.

Her cravings are weird, which is normal, apparently. There's mixes of food surrounding her thoughts that may sound gross but look and must taste incredible, at least on her head.

Her hormones obligating her to feel and be inspired by food, she already felt weird. It was similar to when she was expecting _Ella_. Her mind could think of imaginable mixes of weird foodstuff.

Her husband would probably pay thousands and thousands of dollars to see her doing this by herself. Specially wearing high heels and reading every ingredient from every single product she wanted to buy.

Addison is clever. She reminds a funny moment of their past and with that she searches for the things she needs. This might be good. Even perfect.

She practically throws the groceries in front of the woman who nicely slipped each product through that laser and received her money thankfully.

After the redhead exited that place she filled the small and almost none backseat of her Mercedes with the bags. She took a deep breath and started driving after a few seconds of peace and silence.

Some music would make the moment better. It had to be Billy Idol. She giggles at the memories on their car while riding and enjoying the sun of autumn. Everything used to be so perfect she wishes it could be like it used to.

He wishes that too, he sometimes believes he will wake up on their old bed on a winter morning and they would later play with snowballs. Just as they did every Christmas. The traditions they had back then; inviting Mark for dinner and then throwing him out of the house as soon as they could.

When she arrives his car isn't there, but there's light inside of the trailer, which means someone is home or he forgot to turn the lights off. God, she really wanted to quit this trailer. It was already a punishment to be far away from any kind of civilization.

She opens the door. It's unlocked.

"Hey!" He says cheerful from the bed. He's checking his phone as usual. Probably checking emails or texts. Missed calls, maybe.

"Oh my God!" She yells, surprised by the black haired man. Thank God she didn't drop any of the groceries, she just jumped a little and felt her heart raising. "Jesus, Derek... you scared me." She shakes her head, leaving the paper bags on the table their _almost_ kitchen had.

"I see." He chuckles and stands up, he's willing to help her with unpacking the groceries she bought.

She looks at his blue eyes. He's resting his shoulder against the bathroom door as he does a lot. "What happened to your car?" She asks, sutil.

"I left it at the hospital. I remembered you told me you were going to keep the keys and then I forgot. I had to take a cab." He explains.

Addison feels guilty by doing that to him, she didn't notice either but still. She felt like it was her fault.

He had actually tried his best on leaving earlier the hospital to come home to his wife. He had been missing her and their relationship was slowly healing. He didn't want to completely forgive her, he was still hurt by her actions, but the brain surgeon was trying his best on working with Addison on this. Slowly his old sentiments for her were coming back to life.

"I'm sorry, I forgot too." She says.

"You went grocery shopping as I see." He drops the theme, not wanting her to feel any sorry anymore.

"Not for us." He gives her a questioning look. "I mean, kinda. I mean, it's not like you can make any dish with this." She chuckles. He helps her by standing next to her and takes a cereal box out from one of the bags.

"Hmm... Addison, my wife bought cereal with shape of tiny fruits?" He holds the cereal box on his hand and laughs. She's embarrassed. _"Diet cereals". _

"About that..." this is her opportunity to speak up.

_Do it._

_Do it!_

He keeps on taking items out of there. Most things are snacks or drinks. "You're gonna give me a speech about cereal with shape of tiny fruits?"

She chuckles and then inhales a small quantity of air, in a sharp way. She's biting her lip. "Um, yes." His eyes look worried. Why do they look worried? "We have to talk about why I decided to buy stupid cereal with shape of tiny fruits." That makes them both giggle at the same time.

"Cool. What is it?" He grabs her hand.

She looks down to the union of their hands. It felt good. She could feel the texture of his wedding band and that made her feel safe. Like things were building up again. "But before..."

"Oh, there's a but and a before. I like this. What are we playing?" He smiles and tilts his head to the side.

"Derek, I need you to sit down." She's bossy. He likes her bossy. He lets go of his hand.

"Okay." That's his response. He walks to the bed and sits on his side. He's wearing his pajamas already.

She starts taking items out of another paper bag she didn't want him to see before. "Before you call me nuts..."

"Baby carrots and chocolate frosting?" He did a weird face and she giggled. "I'm sorry honey, but you indeed have gone nuts. Seattle really did damage you that much?"

"Shut up and listen to your wife." Addison needs this to go perfect. She's nervous. That much that her hands are shaking a little. Thank God the nausea was gone and there was no headache that could beat her down.

"I can order you a CT if you need one." He jokes. She takes her shoes off quickly, opens the bag of carrots and grabs three of them, along with the chocolate frosting.

He laughs at how crazy she was acting. She sits on the bed next to him. His look is curious.

"What is it?" He asks.

She doesn't respond right away, she really wants this to be remembered so in the future when their kid would go to college they could laugh about his or hers silly mother's announcement.

"Okay, you'll have one carrot and I'll have two." She hands him a mini carrot. "You have to listen carefully."

"You're scaring me." She bits her lip again. "Why are you having two though? I thought we were equal." That makes them both laugh softly.

"I said shut up." She dipped the baby carrot into the chocolate frosting and looked straight into Derek's eyes.

"Okay Miss Nuts." He teases her.

"Alright." She mumbles. She takes a deep breath.

She extends her hand with the carrot. He makes a weird face that says he doesn't want to taste that. "You're not seriously going to make me try this, right?"

"Give it a bite." Addison asks him, adding a laugh. He doesn't move and just keeps looking into her eyes like being McDreamy would help him somehow to get out from this complicated challenge. "Come on!"

"Fine." He takes it from her hand and takes a bite. "This is gross." But he swallows anyway.

She takes a bite too. "Awful." They both laugh. She takes another bite and doesn't really care.

"How do you keep eating that?!" He laughs and stares at that weird human being he called by his wife.

She laughs. "It's an interesting and awful mix. My mouth enjoys it." She winks an eye at him.

"You wanted to discuss about chocolate frosting and baby carrots?" He moves closer to her. His thumb finds her hand and rubs it gently, caressing her.

She shakes her head and with her free hand she manages to leave the chocolate frosting on her little night stand. "Not exactly."

"What is it, Addison?" He'll keep on asking that question; he grabs her hand completely.

"Um... well, remember that time when we still lived in New York and we were invited to Nancy's place?" She massages the back of her neck with her free hand. It's not truly helping, but it maintains her busy on doing something.

"Addison we've been to Nancy's thousands of times." He chuckles a little.

"Let me finish."

"Okay." He gets his head much comfortable on the pillows.

"This time when she... she was baking cookies and they all had big _B_'s? And then for dinner she served baby carrots?" Addison wanted him to catch as to why the baby carrots and why the mention of that crazy evening.

Her expression is a little terrified and he doesn't understand why. "You're describing how my brother in law freaked out in many, _many_ levels at a false alarm."

"So you do remember." She looks down, avoiding eye contact. She's sure of what she's doing.

"Of course I do, Addie. We laughed for hours at Tom's face."

"And the _B'_s turned out to be failed hearts." She laughs a little at that memory.

_'Tom, what's the matter?! I'm sorry I don't have a degree in drawing.'_ Derek hears his sister's voice on his head. _'I completely am not pregnant, why the hell did you even-? Amy, are you recording this?'_

"Somehow my sister has always been great with a scalpel but when it comes to drawing or any other activity that requires creativity she fails."

"Don't be bad!" She looks into his eyes and hits his hand with hers playfully.

"I'm just saying facts." He holds up both of his hands, just slightly, doing it to make it look dramatic.

'_Only if you want me to!' _Amelia and Derek trying to catch their breath between laughs. He missed his family sometimes.

_'Amelia!'_

New York wasn't as bad as he was picturing it just because of the whole adultery situation.

"Well that's true, sadly."

"Why were you trying to remind me that? Did Nancy invite you anywhere?" He asks curious. The Shepherd woman could be a pro convincing people of whatever she felt was right, it was just like Kathleen always giving you a diagnose.

"What? No. No, she hasn't. And I doubt she will."

"What is it then?" His eyes had turned concerned about her.

•••

_Eight years ago..._

"Do you think my brother is ever going to ask you to have his children? You know he's pretty stubborn. He doesn't like change." Nancy keeps on washing the dishes, Addison next to her side.

"He really is pretty stubborn. And... I don't know. Maybe one day." The redhead keeps on helping her sister in law.

"Tonight it was one kind of a night." Amelia enters the kitchen and takes a sit.

"Oh, shut it!" Nancy bitches at her.

Amy laughs. "Tom was so scared."

"It was hilarious." Addison comments.

"He's pissed at you recorded the whole thing." Nancy points at Amelia with her index finger that happened to be covered with soap for dishes and water.

"I had a brand new camera, I needed to use it for a good cause." Amy explains and doesn't hold her laugh anymore.

"It was a great cause actually." Derek enters the kitchen, joining his sisters and lovely wife.

"You were spying on us?" Amy asks.

"As usual." Nancy says.

•••

"Um... you see, I don't bake. I'm a terrible cook. Which is why there's no cookies with a letter or anything like that. And if we add the fact that the tiny oven we have doesn't seem very trustworthy..." that comment reminded her of asking Derek to move out.

"The point?" He asks. Her eyes shine, she wishes saying a couple of words couldn't be this hard.

"The point is that I bought _baby_ carrots." She says, softly. Looking hopefully for some excitement on his eyes. Instead she doesn't know what's going on with him. What is he feeling? Does he get the message?

"Are you trying to...?" Derek's expression is serious.

"I..."

"Is this some kind of prank and will laugh at me for hours like we did with Tom... or are you really serious?" Her hand squeezes his, gently.

"Six weeks yesterday." The words _I am pregnant _can't get out of her mouth, but she's calm knowing he understood.

"Addison..."

"Why are you _addisoning _me? You don't want this baby?"

"What?! Of course I want it. I just... God. You're pregnant?" He needs to clarify it.

"I am." She smiles brightly, allowing herself to feel the weight on her shoulders less heavier.

"Come here." He grabs her between his arms, he rolls over and ends up on top of her. "Now your gross carrots with chocolate frosting make sense."

"They aren't that bad." She giggles, teasing him.

"Are you sure it's not Mark's baby? He's making you eat weird things." That joke was going to cost him.

"Don't tease me about that! He's a total Shepherd."

Her past with Mark was still blurry and feels like she wasn't really alive those months. It feels like a part of her was off and day dreaming everyday. Addison and Mark didn't have a future, they were a _couple_, but that didn't mean they were _meant to be_.

"I'm so happy, Addie." She smiles at him, letting a couple of tears run away from her glassy eyes. He kissed her lips and then with his hands he took the tears away.

"I was so scared you weren't going to be okay with this." She analyzes his face little by little.

He leans on and kisses her, it's a short but soft and caring kiss.

"I'm more than okay." He smiles at her. "You taste like carrots and chocolate frosting." She laughs at that.

She never thought about it, but she's really happy about this. The baby. The whole parenting stage they will have to go through. By not telling Derek and struggling about keeping the pregnancy as a secret, it made her not think about it at all. It made her go stressed and anxious but she never thought and reflected about having to raise a life.

The taste of his lips is still being tasted by her. She sometimes misses the caring and sweet Derek. It was so weird to see him come back after all this time fighting her ass off for him to appear. What she never knew was that he was sitting in front of her, she just needed to open her eyes a little more and allow him to be hurt.

He gets off of her and stands up from bed, stretching his both arms, expecting her to stand up too.

"What are you doing?" She asks, still lying on bed.

"You know what I miss? I miss dancing." She moves herself to the edge to the bed, it's difficult when you're wearing a skirt and a blouse that aren't that comfortable to lie in bed.

"Dancing?" She chuckles, he helps her up. "Derek Shepherd doesn't dance unless I obligate him." He gives a smile and grabs both of her hands.

Suddenly it's just him and her. In there.

Standing.

He lets go of her hands, she positiones them both around her husband's neck.

"Well, now I do dance." He offers, now letting his hands rest on the sides of her hips. It feels good to be that trustworthy like touching each other and not feeling weird _anymore._

"You're kidding, right?" She asks.

"I missed my chance to ask you to dance with me when we didn't go to prom. Now we can dance." He pushes her a little against his body, allowing himself to rest his chin on her shoulder and smell her hair.

"So I tell you I'm pregnant and I get a dance?" She giggles against his ear, getting comfortable, finding the perfect spot.

Their shapes fit perfectly.

"You get a dance." One of his hands goes up to the small of her back and rubs his thumb against the fabric of her blouse. She feels loved and admired, but hopes his mind hasn't changed just because of the unborn child.

"Without music or any other kind of sound besides the crickets in the middle of the night? That kind of dance?" She adds, another couple of silly questions.

"Exactly." He kisses her temple and rest on her again, both of them moving slowly, dancing at the sound of their breaths and silence. It felt good and peaceful.

"You do understand that we have to move from this soup can, don't you?" She laughs against his ear after some minutes of silence.

"I know, honey."


	4. 4- Freaky Friday

/ _i remind you I'm not a real doctor before you read this chapter!! :) before you read, I apologize if there's any mistake, there's usually a lot when I write lol. _

_Thank you for the amazing reviews last chapter! :)_

_Also, thank you for following/favoriting; @_parkermommy_ @_MooseE_ @_Troubled-Angel-26_ @_therainsofparis_ @_addison-fan_ @_AngelesOfficial_ @_simbagirl_ @_freedomforlive_ @_mariasaamor_ @_rachelandjoeyy_ @_mayormills1070_ @_happyM_ @_perpetualblyss_ @_ElsieRoswell 

_Much appreciated !!!!!!_

_••••••••••_

"Stop it already. I know I shouldn't have." They both get inside of an exam room, both alone. She's wearing her salmon scrubs and he's wearing his blue navy ones.

She takes off her scrub cap, squeezing it a little because of the tension and anger she was in.

"Why are you bitching at her, specially her?!" He raises his voice.

Addison shakes her head, "It was my patient too." She turns around, Derek can't see her face, only that red messy bun.

"You know what? Just forget it. I'm not in the mood for your crazy hormones." That seeks her attention. Addison turns around and gives Derek a death glare.

"Crazy hormones? Are you kidding me?" She raises her voice too. "You made me have the crazy hormones. You're the one to blame." She points at her stomach with her index finger. Thank god the curtains of the room were closed and the door was too.

He laughs sarcastically, "So now it's my fault?" Derek takes his scrub cap off, too. He runs his fingers through that black hair. Russell Crowe style, just like she likes it.

"No, it's her fault for not checking my patient." She says.

"_My_ patient." He tries to clarify something that can't be clarified.

"Fine, our patient." She does gestures with her hands as she always does.

"And Burke's." He just wants to annoy her.

The other one thing that won't never change is their gift to argue. They were god's doing that. Arguing with each other was easier when the two of them already knew the other very well, almost, yes, just _almost_ perfect;

_completely._

She rolls her eyes, not dramatically though. "I said _our_."

"Whatever. Go home, it's been a long day." His voice is lighter now.

"I'm not going home." Her voice is raised once again. She doesn't like to be told what to do, she's an independent woman and she knows what she wants or what's meant to be. Even if she sometimes didn't know, she tried and followed her rules. She could blame Vivian on infecting the feminism on her since the very start they met.

"Excuse me?" He did hear her, but she responded in a rude way which is why he raises his voice too and doesn't quit another round of arguing.

"Derek what did you expect me to do? It's not my fault that you wanted _her_ to scrub in. Now our patient is dead and so is her baby. That's it."

"That's it?"

"Yes, that's it. I'll go contact the family." The redhead is about to leave the room but he catches her wrist before she can keep on walking.

"No, don't do anything." She frowns at him, a little concerned. "I already sent Meredith to do that."

"Okay then she will talk to them and tell them about how she killed their daughter? Because otherwise-"

"I'm doing that myself."

"No you aren't!"

"It was my patient too."

"Derek! Are you doing this because it's _her_? Or because you simply wanna be the good guy once again."

"I would do the same if this was about Stevens, Karev or any other intern."

"I don't believe you. You and I both know it's because she's _her_."

"Addison I'm not in the mood to keep on discussing this. I really am not."

"Me neither."

"Okay then drop the theme already!"

"Fine. See you at home." She sighs and leaves the exam room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

•••

_12 hours earlier..._

_"_These cases make me feel depressed sometimes." Addison says, checking the inconsistent patient's chart. Husband by her side, Doctor Torres by her other side.

He pats her shoulder and whispers near her ear, "Maybe it's just the carrot."

"The carrot? Are we calling it _the carrot_ now?" She asks. For a moment she completely ignored Callie's presence.

"I mean, we can't call it _it_ all the time." Derek did too.

The woman laughs a little, she has the necessity to ask. "What carrot?"

"Salad... um, carrot like... the vegetable." Addison tries to save herself from this one.

Callie nods still not understanding. She takes the chart away from Addison's hands and walks out of the room.

"Salad?" Derek chuckles.

"Shut up." She's moody and doesn't like to feel stupid. "Carrot isn't making me like this though." She uses the name he figured out for their baby. It was a weird name but they both understood what if meant.

"Are you sure about that?"

"I am sure." She nods.

It's a bad feeling that goes through her veins when it comes to these kind of cases. Or maybe it was just _carrot_ making her overreact.

Derek follows her into the nearest on call room, she's not quite sure what she's doing or why is he following her. They get in and Derek locks the door as soon as they are inside and they both had confirmed they are alone. Even Lana Del Rey could write a song about these two love birds.

"What are we doing!?" She giggles, being dragged by her husband inside of the empty room was exciting and fun.

He kisses her, she allows the kiss of course. Next thing they know the temperature is going up, no mercy for none of them.

"We're making out." He answers after a while of kissing and touching. His body is against the door and she wishes the situation could be more comfortable because she doesn't like to be standing while doing this.

After many other kisses she speaks up; "No we aren't."

She giggles as the touch of his lips are against her neck and soon her blouse is off of her. She gasps and moans a little under the incredible way his hands felt around her. Sex in on-call rooms, wow, she really missed this. She missed rushing out after finishing surgeries just to celebrate in private with him. At least, it used to be that way a lot before their marriage started to fall apart. IT was wild and reckless to feel alive and less boring while enjoying each other before someone was crashing or someone needed a consult.

This felt new for both of them, very new. They weren't this young and reckless in a long time. He and her wanted much more from each other, they felt like going much further. The simple sound of their pagers could make them stop and come back to being amazing surgeons.

"Really?!" She groans, demanding more action and passion; sadly it's not happening.

Addison at first refused this a little, the act was like a flashback right back to their happy married days in that New York hospital. She's fast enough to put her blouse back on and he brushes his hair with both hands trying to make it look proper, like he wasn't hooking up with his wife inside an on-call room like a horny teenager that couldn't contain himself.

"Do I look presentable?" He asks, adjusting his blue navy scrubs.

"You do. Um, what about me? Too messy?" The redhead fixes her necklace and waits for a response.

"Breathtakingly beautiful as always." He winks at her, flirty and sweet; Just like she liked it.

"Great" She smiles at him and pecks his lips quickly, before unlocking the room's door and heading out first.

* * *

Yang and Grey inside of their patient's room. As always Yang has taken care of the situation.

"What happened?!" Derek asks, immediately checking Alicia's vitals.

"Um, she was having a cardiorespiratory arrest, so I medicated her as her chart said so. I obviously didn't apply anything that could make her internal bleeding come back."

"How come?" Derek is confused.

"Didn't you read her chart, Doctor Shepherd?" Burke enters the patient's room. Alicia was now unconscious.

Derek tilts his head a little, greeting the cardio thoracic surgeon. "Doctor Burke."

"I was paged, I understand." Preston searches for answers on Yang's content expression.

After Burke checked on the patient and certified that she was alright, Addison followed Derek inside of the husband's room. He was still unconscious.

They had been paged in the middle of the night and had to run to the hospital as soon as they could. Neurology and Neonatal were needed and pretty important for this case.

A pregnant woman and her husband suffered a car crash that involved them going down a mountain. Thank God the man who crashed them was noble enough to offer paying any kind of operation for both and called an ambulance as soon as the accident happened. The baby didn't have to go through any kind of procedure or emergency c-section. Derek had repaired a brain bleed the woman had, and Doctor Torres had helped the husband since the man had some broken ribs. The husband, Marcus, has suffered a light brain contusion.

Until now both (plus baby), were alright.

Derek sighs and checks the patient's vitals. "He's a little arrogant sometimes."

Addison smirks and crosses her arms over her chest, "Who? Preston?" She knew Preston was a little too... _arrogant_. Yes, arrogant was indeed the word.

"Yeah. You don't think so?" He looks at her from up his shoulder, not moving from his spot next to the patient's bed.

She's standing on the doorstep. Resting a shoulder against it.

"I mean... yeah maybe." She walks inside of the room, getting closer to him. "Not that he's a bad guy, but you're right, he can be a little arrogant sometimes." She giggles a little, but then she automatically shuts up after seeing the stitches on the patient's face.

"I'm surprised they survived this kind of crash." Derek takes his eyes off of the patient to look at Addison, who seemed a little disoriented.

"Me too." She nods. "I was expecting more blood, maybe some more broken bones and an emergency c-section." Her right hand brushes some hair out of her face, some messy hair that had ended up that way because of their almost attemp inside of that on-call room earlier. "Perhaps they have good luck." She says after some seconds of only silence.

"Probably." Derek crosses his arms over his chest just as she was already doing.

"I'll go check on Alicia." She now rests her hands on her pockets, offering a friendly smile to the neurosurgeon.

"Why?" He asks, a little worried as to why Addison seemed so fragile for a minute. "You said the baby was alright before Preston practically kicked us out." He laughs, sarcastically.

"I know, but maybe he's not responding to the meds or he is but in a negative way. I'll just go check." The obstetrician is about to walk out.

"Hey, hey... wait." His voice makes her turn around before taking another step.

"What?"

His eyes are worried and his lips curl a small grin. "How have you been feeling?"

_Caring._

"I'm good, why?" She brushes that bit of messy hair again.

"Because of the carrot." He gives her stomach a look and then looks up to her eyes again. She's smiling.

She chuckles at the whole _carrot_ thing. "Me and our vegetable are okay." She nods.

"I'm glad to know that."

"See you later, alright?"

"Okay, bye."

The redhead walks out of the room, looking forward being alone inside of Alicia's room. Well, her patient was going to be there, but she was asleep so it didn't matter.

There's days when she wonders why she chose such a complicated job. She liked the challenges, complicated was a word that could define her way of thinking. She was a very difficult sudoku, a very difficult poem to understand. Underneath that she was a sweet angel that was hopeful on finding happiness after falling too many times.

The headache is back. As usual she takes a deep breath and takes a sit on a chair inside of the room. She doesn't mind if the door is open or not. No one is going to walk through that door anytime soon.

Derek was difficult too. The difference is that for her, he wasn't a simple poem, he was a book. Maybe a bible. He was one kind of a guy. As her, underneath that McDreamy surgeon mask, there was a goofy, kind, compassionate guy. Caring, too. Loving.

•••

The sleeping man wakes up, "Hmm... what happened?" He looks up to Derek, who's reading his chart just in case he was missing something as he did with Alicia's chart.

"Oh, hi Marcus. You were in a car crash. You do remember that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I think so. How's Ally?" The man seems like a good husband. A good man.

"Alicia, you mean?" Derek asks, not quite sure if there was more people inside of that car or not. It could be possible.

"Yes, yes... Alicia." He nods a little.

"She's fine, on her own room. My wife is taking care of her. Do you feel any pain?" Derek listens to his heartbeat.

"No. Not at all." His heartbeats were alright, his pulse was strong.

"Then the morphine is working, that's great." Derek offers a small smirk.

"Is the baby okay?"

Derek nods, understanding the man is not trying to annoy him or anything, he's just worried and terrified. "Yes he is, he's alright."

"How come your wife is checking mine? Is it take your wife to work day?" He half laughs. That joke was quite funny though, but Derek doesn't laugh.

"I see you are responding great to medications and you don't seem to be harmed at all. And my wife is checking on your wife and baby, she's a doctor too."

"Oh, interesting. Are you sure Ally is alright?" He keeps on questioning the neurosurgeon, again, Derek couldn't blame him.

"She's fine, she's in good hands."

"Gosh I gotta tell her I'm sorry."

"I'm pretty sure she's aware of that, Marcus."

"No, I have to tell her myself."

"Just wait until you're able to go there."

"I'm such a jerk, I should have kept my eyes on the road."

"Accidents happen."

That made him think what would he feel if something like this ever happened to him and Addison. He would blame himself until the grave. No kidding.

•••

"Marcus?" Alicia's eyes open slowly, she looks around trying to orientate herself. She's a little lost.

The redhead hears the small voice and immediately stands up, walking towards the twenty eight weeks pregnant woman.

"I'm Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd, you're at Seattle Grace Hospital, you do remember that right?" Addison knew sometimes people could forget things under drugs, the experience on these kind of cases made her aware of that.

"Yeah, um... what- did something happen to me?" That was obvious, right?

"You had a cardiorespiratory arrest, you've had those before, am I right?"

"Dammit, again? Is the baby okay?" She rubs her belly.

"He's perfect. Are you in any kind of pain?"

"A little headache." Alicia says, still rubbing her belly.

"Oh, must be because of brain surgery. Your wounds are still too fresh."

The brown haired woman sighs, "Where's Marcus? I need- I want to see him." She says, softly. Addison feels sorry for her, she would be even more desperate if she could ever find herself in that position.

"He's recuperating too, I'm so sorry but I can't get you out of here yet." Addison offers her a small friendly grin, giving the patient's upper arm a small squeeze, showing some support and compassion.

"He must be hating himself for this." She half laughs.

"I would too. Do you want anything?"

"No, thanks. I'm just... I'm tired."

•••

"Hello carrots." Derek greets Addison, who sits down next to him.

"Shh!" She looks around in case there's anyone staring. Preston Burke is there too, but he doesn't know anything yet.

"Carrots?" Burke asks, curious as to why Derek was calling his wife with such a weird nickname.

Addison shakes her head. "Nothing." She replies, opening her bottle of water.

"What's carrots?" Preston asks again.

"Nothing, really." Addison repeats, sipping her water.

Derek chuckles a little, "Inside joke." That's the whole explanation Burke needs to calm down and stop searching for any answers.

"I see... and you're her potato?" Burke jokes.

Addison laughs too, "He has a zucchini kinda face actually." She closes her bottle of water and stares at her husband.

"True." Preston shakes his head slightly, still chuckling at the joke.

Derek looks annoyed at both, his friend and his wife. "I'm not a zucchini."

"You're totally a zucchini." Addison starts eating her salad.

"Whatever. When does your shift end?" Derek goes back on eating, too.

"Um, six." She says, knowing Derek would find it odd.

Derek almost chokes, "Six? Why so early?" Surgeons, specially them, never got out so early. Speacially when there was busy cases and schedules.

"Yeah, that's early, carrots." Preston teases the redhead.

"Shut up, Preston." She makes an annoyed face.

"Why is it plural though?" Ugh, he obviously had to ask. He was smart enough and Addison really hoped the man wasn't going to keep on asking.

"It sounds better." Addison says simply.

"Why so early, Addie?" Derek asks again, looking at her with curiousness and confusion.

"I'm meeting Richard at the Archfield." She says, now swallowing another bite of her salad.

Derek keep on looking at her with that confused look. "You're willing to cheat on me for a better payment?" He teases her. She didn't like when he teased her with the whole cheating matter.

"Shut up!" She kicks his foot under the table.

"Hey!" He's annoyed at the kick she gave him.

"Of course not, Derek. I'm grabbing dinner with him." She explains.

"He has a wife you know." Derek points out, just to annoy her.

"I'm gonna talk to him about our assunt." She says, lowering her voice a little, taking her view away from his eyes or Preston's, giving herself the view of her tomato cherry and lettuce salad.

"I thought we were doing that together." Derek says.

"Honey, I'm sorry but I prefer to do this by myself, after all it's also business besides our personal life."

Preston keeps on staring at both Shepherds, not understanding. "What's going on between you two?"

"Nothing." They both say at the same time.

"Alright." The surgeon nods.

"I'm also staying there tonight." Addison says, biting her lip.

"Wait, why is that? Did you two also agreed on spending a night together?" He keeps on teasing her.

"Stop teasing me about it, it's not funny."

"I'm going to leave you guys alone." He takes his lunch away from the Shepherd drama.

"Thank you," Derek goodbyes him.

"Goodbye Preston." Addison says polite.

After their friend is totally gone, they both look at each other, she's in an awkward and nervous position, meanwhile he's confused and worried.

"Why are you staying?"

"I have an awful back pain and our trailer doesn't have a big bathroom where I can have a bubble bath. Does it?" She says, with an irritating tone. He rolls his eyes and then smiles at her. He knows she hates the trailer.

"You could ask me for a massage, you know?" Derek says, keeping his eyes on hers.

"Derek, can I please just enjoy a bubble bath and a big bed for tonight, please?" She begs. Her tone is hopeful of not getting into any kind of fight just because of this simple thing.

"What If I meet you there after you dinner with Richard and I give you a massage plus you get your bubble bath."

"I wanna relax, not to have a sexual getaway." She says, with a small chuckle.

"Hey, it's a suggestion, you can say no." He says.

"No, then." She moves hair off of her face.

"Come on, it will be fun." He tries to convince the gorgeous woman he was married to.

"Ugh, Fine. But no sex. You can have that bath with me, we can kiss and even touch, but no sex. I am already exhausted."

"Do I have permission to blame _carrot_ for your 'no sex' request?" That makes her laugh a little, he laughs too, considering a couple of hours ago they were about to make love inside of an on-call room.

She smiles. "Can I eat my lunch in peace without being asked questions about our carrot?"

"You're moody." He teases her.

"Fine, blame our _carrot_."

•••

_8 hours later..._

"I guess something isn't right with her lungs, she's obviously having trouble breathing. Preston, we have to take her to surgery. The baby is barely getting the oxygen he needs."

"It's risky." Preston tells Addison.

"It doesn't matter, we have to risk it." Addison says.

"She had a seizure, there might be some bleeding we didn't detect earlier." Derek runs a hand through his hair, as a stressful gesture.

"There's no time for a CT." Preston says.

"We definitely have no time for that." Addison agrees.

"We need an OR, now." Preston orders a nurse.

•••

_End of all frashbacks... _

_the present..._

He knocks on the hotel bedroom door. After their argument he doesn't know if it's the right thing to do. Maybe it isn't. Perhaps she needs some space.

He knocks again. The door opens, Addison is wearing her hotel robe. She looks tired, her hair is wet and he can see the bed hasn't been opened yet.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, looking down for a second. Sighing. She's tired. Fighting makes her feel even more tired; like her energies were off.

"I figured you wouldn't want me here after all that-" he gets cut off.

"Yelling?" Addison finishes the sentence.

"Mhmm." He nods. "Can I come in?"

"Is this some kind of peace offer?" She opens the door properly, letting him in.

He walks in. "You can call it that way."

She closes the door and walks past him. He sits on the bed.

Derek looks up to her, "I assume you told the Chief."

"Um, no. I- I tried. I couldn't. So, we just talked about life and it was, to be honest, the worst dinner I've ever had." She laughs a little, embarrassed that she couldn't be brave enough to just say it.

"I'm not trying to get any sex though." He jokes. "How was your bath?"

"Good. My back feels better." She nods.

He pats an empty spot on the bed next to him. "The warm water is a miracle, isn't it?"

"You sound like my mother." She sits down there, next to him.

"Talking about her..."

"No." She immediately answers.

"You don't even know what I'm gonna say." He chuckles and pecks her lips quickly enough.

"Oh, I do know." She says, licking her lips after that small peck.

"I don't think so." He challenges her.

"You'll suggest to call her and tell her we're having her probably only grandchild."

He tilts his head a little, "Why _probably only grandchild_?" His hand caresses her cheek.

His touch helps her to calm down. Apparently she had forgiven him because of what happened before, the whole arguing thing. The yelling and blaming.

"Derek, I'm thirty six. I'm not getting any younger, I don't know if you noticed that." She looks down to her rings.

His thumb keeps on caressing her cheek. "We are still young."

"That's not the point." She shakes her head a little.

"And yeah, you guessed right."

"I knew it." She looks up to him again.

"We should, though."

"You know I don't share personal things with _them_." The Montgomeries aren't the most 'human' people.

"Maybe we could. It's healthy to have a good relationship with your family." Derek says. She's heard this many times, Derek knows the chat isn't going anywhere.

"Derek don't say anything, you have a beautiful family, not like mine." She grabs the hand that he's been resting on her cheek.

"Your parents would be happy to hear from you." They probably would, at least the captain. Or her brother, Archer.

"Your sisters too." Addison points out.

"Addie..."

"I'm sorry honey, but it's true." Her shinny eyes meet his again.

"About the carrot... we haven't talked about it that much. Maybe we should?"

"I was actually hoping you would say something about it." She smiles brightly. "Can we just... move out from your soup can?!"

-

_Review?_


	5. 5-Relax!

_Wait, is that- is that someone throwing up?_

That's the first he thinks of as soon as he wakes up. He's sleepy but lucid at least, he looks towards the bathroom door to see his wife's head puking.

He stood up and ran towards the bathroom, getting on his knees next to her, patting and caressing her back. She was wearing a bun, so there was no hair to hold. Her system was apparently done vomiting, so she rested both of her elbows around the WC, taking deep breaths.

Derek hated to see Addison this way, her expression shows evident tiredness and pain from all of that vomiting.

"Addie…" He helps her rest against the shower glass. It's cold, which makes her feel a little less affected by this morning sickness. She usually was victim of pregnancy symptoms around 5:00 or 4:30 pm.

She closes her eyes and shakes her head slightly, "I'm fine." Addison keeps on breathing deeply and trying to calm down.

"If you want to stay over here it's fine, i'll call Richard and explain." Derek offers nicely, grabbing her hand.

She lets go of his hand and shakes her head, massaging her temples, "No, no. I'm fine!" She looks at him, "It's just morning sickness. Plus he would start thinking something is wrong with me, my 'starved behavior' might have surprised him a little yesterday." Addison refers to the dinner Derek wasn't involved in.

"You have always been a starved kind of woman, Addison." He says, adding a small dreamy smile, maybe to cheer her up, maybe because his wife was stubborn and that made him smile, "He will not think it's odd. Take the day off, rest a little."

"It's just morning sickness, Derek!" She insists. "I'll be fine during the whole day."

"Stay here and enjoy another warm bath then, take it as a treat."

"I'm fine." She feels a wave of nausea taking over her body, again. Next thing she knows she's vomiting again.

"Ah-huh. You're fine." He nods as he caresses her back meanwhile she keeps on coughing and trying to keep the rest inside.

He offers a piece of toilet paper so she can clean her lips, which she does. "Shut up." She says in a weak tone, "I don't wanna miss today. Today I was supposed to operate with Bailey."

"I'm pretty sure someone can take your place." He takes the piece of toilet from her hands and throws it on the trash can, now helping her stand up slowly.

"But I don't want someone else taking my place." Addison says, using an annoyed tone.

Derek is not the kind of husband who gives orders or anything like that to his wife, he's caring, kind. Or at least he used to be like that, and slowly was now getting used to his old behavior. But, he could clearly give Addison orders and insist when it came to her well-being.

"Addison you're pregnant, you need to get some rest, drink fluids and stay calm. They probably have Sex and the city here. You could watch it and entertain yourself." He suggests, taking a towel and wiping the sweat off her forehead.

A small cheeky smile under those eyebags shows up, "How do you know all of that?"

"I also went to med school." Derek states the obvious.

Addison rolls her eyes, "You never really payed attention to anything about obstetrics."

"Okay, fine, I read an article yesterday." He says, leaving the towel on its place.

She tilts her head to the side a little, "You did?"

"I did." he nods.

"I would kiss you right now but I probably taste like vomit."

They giggle a little at that. She seems to be in a better mood now, even tho she still looks a little pale from vomiting and probably deals with a headache, judging by how she keeps on massaging her temples.

"You can kiss me after you brush your teeth. Is that okay?"

Addison sighs, "I think so."

"Nice. Do you think you might throw up again?"

Addison patted Derek's shoulder twice and said; "No, I'm all dried up." Which leaded her to start brushing her teeth as Derek watched her.

"What?" She asks with her brush still on her mouth, he was almost not sure of what he heard.

He looks down, feeling a little funny, "Nothing." Derek says as he looks into her eyes through the mirror.

"Stop staring." Addison points at him with her brush through the mirror, still talking with her mouth full of toothpaste.

"Alright." He nods and walks away from the bathroom.

Meanwhile Derek takes a shower, Addison gets comfortable in bed and rubs her stomach. There's almost silence, just the sound of the water, nothing else. It feels good to be out of the trailer for a while. It's good to have a big bed with soft sheets and a big bath where to relax.

This time leads her thoughts to one special center: that embryo. The carrot embryo. God, Nancy will love the whole carrot story when they finally tell the family, she's certain of that.

What Addison still hasn't thought is if she wants a bit or a girl, is she nervous about birth? Is she terrified about raising a kid? No and… no. She's an obstetrician, she knows how these "things" work. Addison has always wanted children with Derek and cannot wait to bring that boy or girl into the world and just… cuddle and kiss it.

"You're gonna be so loved." She whispers, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

She chuckled a little at the thought of Derek holding her hand during birth or simple contractions.

"Well, it doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, your dad and I can't wait to meet you and hold you. He's probably going to take you fishing or camping, I will obviously get dragged and will have to deal with all the… nature…"

"Addison?" He asks softly, watching this cute scene happening.

She opens her eyes widely, she couldn't even notice he turned off the water.

"Were you talking to carrot?" The emphasis he does when it comes to the word "carrot" makes her feel sillier about her pregnancy announcement. He looks at her expecting an answer.

"A little." She nods slowly..

"You know, you could keep going. Don't let my presence stop you."

"Actually, our conversation is pretty private. I know carrot…" Oh, the nickname is growing a little on her, "... cannot really reply to my words, or even hear, but I like to think it does."

"Oh, i wouldn't like to get in the middle of such an important chat. I envy you a little." He says, taking the same socks he wore yesterday and putting them on. Spending the night at the Archfield was kind of a plan but also unsure at the moment when he showed up last night.

Addison smiles a little at this, "You do?"

"Yeah, well, you're able to talk privately to it, but I can't." He can play the victim pretty well, no doubts on that.

"You can! I was just bragging to annoy you." She says truly, looking at him across the room. He passes a hand through his hair and walks closer to her.

"I know, I was just trying to make you admit it." He smiles at her, getting closer to the redhead in bed and kissing her lips softly.

Maybe her meltdown the other day wasn't that bad, maybe it was the best thing Addison could have done at the moment, which was: yelling at Derek. He was acting kind, asking her to prom, and that night at the trailer when he could have gone by himself to that prom, or could have started a fight, he acted different towards her. Maybe something on his mind changed.

And now? Now he was actually happy.

"Can I call you during the day?" She asks, knowing she'll want attention during the day.

"um, sure." He says, buttoning his shirt, he was fast when it came to dressing up. Well, he was fast at a lot of things.

"Even if you're in the middle of surgery?" She knows herself good enough, she will annoy him on many occasions today. Addison doesn't like to accept when she's vulnerable or needy, and she's both at the moment.

"Only if it's urgent."

"Okay." There's a little of shyness on her voice, which surprises her. Does she sound like this all the time?

Derek smiles a little at her, "Okay."

He knows her well, and he knows she feels strange, needy, tired, maybe too uncomfortable. He wishes he could not leave her side during the whole day, he wishes he could stay around her way longer, go buy her things she needs, watch series that involve fashion and empowered women until she would finally fall asleep. He wants that, and maybe also talk to it for a while.

What a pity, because he already said his goodbyes and is now walking down the corridor, pulsing the elevators button, taking his blackberry out of his pocket and looking up for Richard's name on his contacts.

_Addison is having a terrible fever, yeah again, she's not quite well, I obligated her to stay home. She said she had a surgery, I'm pretty sure someone else could take her place._

* * *

It's been two hours since Derek left and she finally called room service. Morning sickness was a bitch, so she ordered something light, oatmeal with yogurt and berries. That was it. She wasn't feeling very hungry anyway.

Staring in front of this plate, she wonders if she'll have to throw up this later. Please don't hate oatmeal, please baby. With her hopes up, she ate a little bit, taking a few moments before she kept on eating, filled with joy knowing the being inside of her wasn't as stubborn as she was.

"Thank you." She whispered and chuckled a little at herself for being such a silly being. Her phone rings, not the call she expected, but she attended it anyway.

"Hello?" She asks on the phone.

"Hey, you've disappeared. Where are you?" Miranda Bailey asks. "Poison oak again?"

Addison can't help but laugh at that, "No, no. I'm not feeling very well, must be the flu."

"Oh… You know doctor Jones?" Bailey doesn't sound that mad or annoyed, which relieves Addison in many levels.

"Never heard of that name before." Addison says honestly.

"Exactly. That's who had to take your place this morning."

"God, Bailey, I'm so sorry." Addison was excited to share the OR with Miranda, specially since she was back to work since a little while ago, so she thought it would have been a great opportunity to get to know her more and maybe even - _Oh no, that's just silly…_ \- Maybe even have a new real friendship here in this rainy and unknown city.

Miranda Bailey loved the female Shepherd, she did not only deliver her baby boy, she was also a kick ass surgeon and good person, "It's okay, at least the surgery was successful, no complications."

"Good to know, hopefully I'll get to scrub in with you soon." Addison says, rubbing her temple a little, that headache was coming back slowly.

"Doctor Webber is here, and he's- He's demanding a conversation with you." Bailey says, an annoyed tone could be known for sure.

Addison sighs, "Put him on the phone."

"Do I have a choice?" Miranda says before handing her phone to the chief of surgery.

"Addison!" Richard says, "Is everything okay?"

"Hello Chief, yeah I'm fine, just not feeling very well at the moment. I'm sorry I couldn't be in the OR today…"

"Derek told me."

"What do you mean by that? What did he say exactly?" She was confused.

"Well, he didn't explain the whole thing of course, but he did told me. He texted me actually."

"Oh.."

"Well, hopefully you'll feel better soon. Keep me updated." Richard asks politely.

"Um, sure. I will." Addison says.

And with that, she ended the call and bit her lip, nervously and angry. Derek told the chief about _carrot?_ Okay that was pretty odd, she thought they were telling him together, she wasn't even on her second trimester. God, she was going to yell, probably even hit him if needed. She needed to ask why and when and what the hell was he thinking. Worst of all, a text?

Derek's phone rang and rang, and rang. But he couldn't have known because he had left it at his office desk meanwhile he was operating on an old man. Addison was obviously pissed at this whole situation and couldn't get the idea out of her mind. Even the joy of their vegetable allowing Addison to eat oatmeal wasn't enough to make her calm down.

Sixth time she calls and he doesn't pick up. "Dammit." She says, standing up from the bed and looking for her clothes.

* * *

The most stupid thing she could have done today was arriving at Seattle Grace looking for her husband. The sound of her heels could be heard all over the place, no kidding. As she walks towards a nurse station, a familiar face is staring at her from behind nurse Olivia.

"Doctor Shepherd, how may I help you?" Nurse Olivia asked politely, just as Meredith Grey tried to act like she didn't notice Addison standing in there, walking away.

Addison smiles a little at her, "Hi, um, Do you know where my husband is?"

"Doctor Shepherd is in OR 3 at the moment, would you want me to call him?" She suggests nicely. God, today there's too much positive energy around her.

"No, no." She shakes her slightly, "Thank you."

Nurse Olivia nodded and smiled a little. Addison took the elevator hopeful that her husband would be able to get out of there soon, because she needed to talk. She arrived to the gallery and sat there, looking down to how Derek was reparing a brain bleed. A sneeze behind her surprised her a little, she looked and it was the same twelve year old girl as before.

"Doctor Grey." Addison says, surprised how they kept on finding each other in places.

'Doctor Shepherd.." She greeted back.

"You're sick, aren't you?" Addison could recognize the flu when she saw it.

"Just a little. Bailey told me to go home, but I prefer to stay." Why is the twelve year old telling her this?

Addison nods and looks back at his husband, "And watch my husband perform surgery."

"Yeah well, it's the only interesting surgery at the moment." Or it is for her, because, come on, she's not over him. No one could be over McDreamy that fast anyway. Addison couldn't and she's pretty tough.

The redhead inhaled sharply, "More than a liver transplant? I would have chosen the liver transplant instead of watching neuro surgery, I never really liked it." She smiles as she remembers all those times Derek would ask fro Addison's help when he had to study for the boards. Neurosurgery was not her style at all, she once swore she would rather choose plastics instead of neuro, which pretty much offended Derek and made Mark smirk.

"Well, transplants happen everyday." Meredith said, with a little cough. Addison was hoping she would not end up really sick after all.

"Brain bleeds happen everyday too." Addison says, looking behind again. Grey is wearing a pony tail and her light blue scrubs.

"Yeah, I suppose they do." She nods.

Addison turns to look down at the OR, deciding it would be better to stop looking at the intern and enjoy the surgery for a while. Derek looks up, and doesn't exactly where to look at, his former girlfriend or his wife. So, he looks at Addison, surprised, with a confused expression. Addison replies his questioning look by crossing her arms. He looks down to keep on operating and Addison just sighs. There's days she feels like everything is fine, like its better and they aren't falling apart anymore, but she's always confused at the end. Maybe she should stop overthinking for a minute.

"I'm pregnant."

Grey is silent and doesn't know what to reply to such confession. Addison might have said it because, well, the chief already knew, her husband and OB knew too, so, why the hell not telling your husband's mistress that you're expecting a child? Oh yeah, because you simply don't. She regrets it as she realizes what has just scapped her mouth.

After a few minutes of silence, Grey asks: "You're pregnant?" She did hear good, but she's still surprised. Not surprised only about the news, but also about the source of the news.

"Almost six weeks." Addison nods, not looking back anymore, concentrating on Derek and that brain bleed.

"Does Derek- Does Doctor Shepherd know?"

"Yes. I told him and he seems... genuinely happy." Montgomery - Shepherd shares.

"I'm sorry, why are you telling me this?" Meredith sounds confused besides sick.

"I don't know. I guess I'm afraid he still wants you." She rubs her temple, that headache never really stop, sadly.

The intern sighs, "He... never mind."

"No, what were you gonna say?" Addison looks at the intern again, feeling stupid for sitting there.

"It doesn't matter, really."

"Talk, Grey." Addison orders.

"He choose you." Grey says slowly, "Derek- He choose you over me and not because he's married to you. He said you're his family."

"Why are you telling me this?" Now she's the one who's been surprised by news and the source of it.

"Because... I know what it is to not feel loved or certain of something completely."

Grey coughs again, which now alarms Addison a little, so she stands up and takes her purse, nodding with a smile smile at the intern who's sitting up there.

"Goodbye Doctor Grey." She says politely, walking towards the door.

As Addison opens the door ready to exit, Grey raises her voice, "Doctor Montgomery!" The redhead looks at the blonde woman, "I won't tell."

The neonatal surgeon nodded and muttered a _thank you_, leaving the gallery for good, now thinking of where she could go to wait her husband and not be seen, specially not seen by Bailey or Webber.

* * *

Half hour passed, she would have expected him to take longer, but he didn't. "Addison, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying at the hotel today." He says as he closes the door of his office, looking down at his wife, who's sitting on his chair.

"You told Webber we're pregnant?" She stands up, looking directly at him. Raising her voice, for sure.

"What? No! Please keep your voice down if you don't want anyone else to find out."

"He said you send him a text letting him 'know'"

"I did send a text..."

"I was right then!" She cuts him off.

"...about you being sick." Now he finishes his sentence and she looks paler, her eyes wide.

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair, "Oh God. I told Meredith Grey when I was looking down at you all pissed because I thought you told Richard."

"The hormones making you do stupid stuff like this is sane?" Derek asks, in an annoyed tone. He's mad for sure, their little secret was that exactly, a secret.

"Don't blame this on me." She says, still rising her voice.

He rolls his eyes, "Why would it be my fault? I didn't tell Mark you're pregnant."

"You're really going over there?" Addison asks, showing her anger now too, resting a hand on her hip.

"You told Meredith!" He fights back.

"Because I was overthinking nervously after Richard mentioned you 'telling' him something."

Now he runs his hands through his hair and takes a sit on his couch. "Did he congratulate you about being sick?"

"No."

"If he could have gotten the news, don't you think he would congratulate you first? And most importantly, you really think I would tell people without consulting you first?"

"I'm sorry." She's still mad at him for bringing up the adultery matter, but she's still sorry she messed up.

"I cannot believe you told Meredith. I have already hurt her enough, it wasn't necessary for her to know, at least not this early."

"I know!" She almost yells, "I know, okay? I spoke without processing it first. I get it." She says, walking closely towards him.

"By now half of Seattle Grace must have already heard your confession." He stands up from the couch and massages the back of his neck.

Arguing with Addison was like a sport, he always knew how to win.

"Wow, that's really comforting, thank you." She nods.

He shakes his head, "Don't play the victim."

"I'm not!" Addison speaks up.

"I don't wanna talk to you now." He looks down, no more eye contact.

"Well, thanks for ignoring your wife, hopefully this time you won't run away." She starts walking away already.

He looks up, he has those angry eyes, "Hopefully this time I won't catch you in bed getting naked with some other guy." There it is, he's bringing it up again.

"If that's how you wanna play, fine."

"Addison..."

"I'm sorry I can't un-hear that, Derek. Super sorry I made your life miserable." She says.

"Addison, I didn't mean it."

Addison shrugged, "Seemed like you did."

"Addie..." He walked closely, trying to catch her hand.

"Don't touch me, my hormones are acting too insane, I'm not able to behave." Addison overreacts, wanting him to know she wasn't okay with that first comment he made to start this argument.

The redhead opens the door and starts walking away, He stands on the doorway.

"Addison..." He takes a few steps forward.

"Don't follow me." She says, holding up a hand as she kept on walking, finding the nearest elevator and leaving as soon as she could.

Addison sometimes won, too.

A part of her wanted to be alone and just be mad at him, hate him a little. But the other part of her wishes Derek could be now running down the stairs, and when the elevator doors open, he will be there waiting, wanting to apologize for being a jerk.

Except that the doors open. No one is waiting for her.

Now she allows herself to deal with that void inside of her heart that keeps confusing her. Derek seemed better, happier, but his true colors said something way different from that. There was still hate, pain, Addison could freely add the word 'sadness'. But, her... What about her? Well, she was exactly like Derek, could 'seem' ok, and be having the worst time ever.

Step 1: _Communication._ Oh God, she sounded like a total shrink, which was scary considering how much she hates shrinks, except for Derek's sister Kate, of course, and Nancy with her compulsive need to fix everyone somehow. But yeah, basically she needed hers and Derek's communication to improve, she needed Derek to understand she made a mistake and that she regrets telling Meredith, but he'll react upset, so she has to find a way to tell him really nicely and softly.

* * *

He opens the trailer door after a long day, she's sipping a glass of water, sitting on that really uncomfortable couch, covered by a blanket. "Hey." She almost whispers.

Derek only nodded, as some kind of greeting to his wife. "Where's your car?" Oh, so he did notice that.

"Left it at the hospital, took a cab." Addison explains as she stares at her husband, who takes off his coat and shoes quickly.

Derek nods again. Addison finds herself starting to get irritated.

"Amy called to wish you a happy birthday." Addison tells him as she stands up from the couch.

He sighs and opens the fridge, "My birthday is on Monday."

"That's what I told her, actually she already knew." Addison holds a small laugh, she clearly had a good relationship with Derek's sisters.

"Then why wishing me a happy birthday, that's just stupid." He's not on a good mood. Not at all.

"You know Amy, she's not exactly organized when it comes to dates." She says, as she leaves the glass she had on her hands on the diminute dinner table.

"Whatever." He says as he takes a cold beer and walks towards the 'bedroom'.

"Are you okay?" Addison tries to act friendly.

"Yeah, tired."

"I didn't mean to tell Grey." She spills as the silence kept on growing uncomfortably.

Derek nods, "I talked to her."

"Oh... unexpected, I guess."

"She was crying in a supply closet." He said, seeming cold towards his wife.

She half laughed a little, "I was crying meanwhile you threw my clothes out of our house, I'm pretty sure she can handle her former boyfriend to move on."

"Addison..." He addisons her, not wanting her to keep going on that theme.

"What now?"

"Why do you always make it about you?"

"I do not!" She raises her voice and she poses both of her hands on her hips.

"You do. I'm telling you something and you cut me off instantly."

Addison walks near him, "Sorry."

"Let me talk then."

"Fine." She crosses her arms over her chest, rest to listen.

"I asked her what happened and offered a shoulder for her to cry on."

"That's what you wanted to tell me?"

"No, I mean, yes... my point is, you don't need to keep punishing Meredith."

"I am not! Look, I committed adultery, I cut you off when you're talking, but I never tried or intended to hurt that girl." And she's not lying. Addison could be a bitch and commit many mistakes, even be annoying to her husband, but she was not a bully, or a bad person.

"Well, you did."

"Why do you care anyways?"

"Addison I would have cared if it was Stevens or O'Malley."

Addison overthinks that, of course; "What's wrong with Karev and Yang?"

"That's not the point, Addison. The point is that before telling people we have to talk about it."

"Alright." She nods, resting a shoulder against the bathroom door, looking down at a tired Derek.

"Even if I have had told the chief, which I didn't, you should have asked my opinion about sharing it with more people."

Addison rubs her eye a little, "You should do the same."

"I will do the same." He says, adding a small nod.

"Alright then." Addison smiled warmly at him.

_Communication with Derek:_ Better.

"Come here." He asks, looking up. She does so, sitting on his lap. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"It's okay." She rests her head against his.

"Is our vegetable causing anymore trouble?" Derek sounds so cute by asking that.

"Just the usual." She giggles a little as he tickles her.

"Hopefully he'll stop." Derek says, allowing her to rest on him, he feels awful for yelling those horrible things at her earlier.

"Oh, so it's a _he_?" She says, looking at him in the eye.

"I meant to say _it."_

She smiles, letting one of her hands rest on one of his cheeks, "You want a boy!"

"I don't."

"Then you don't want us to have a boy?"

"No, i mean, whatever our baby is, I want it."

"Good answer." Addison says and she pecks her lips and comes back on resting her head against his, holding hands, for a while longer.

~~

_maybe you realized i deleted a couple of chapters? well, i did bc i read my own fanfic (haha i'm stupid) and realized maybe i wanted addison and derek to be okay ... (physically tho lmao) anyway, NEW CHAPTER! _

_please review :)_


End file.
